I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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