Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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