She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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