I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
