Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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