....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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