you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
