try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
