Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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