I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
