Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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