Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
