Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
