Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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