I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
