i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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