I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
