So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
