mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
