God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Holy shit dude........stairs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
