Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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