im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
