is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
