Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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