??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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