My room smells like vodka and shame
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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