Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
