I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Randomize
