just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
