My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
