You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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