woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
