I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
