It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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