so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
