He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
