dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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