Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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