i was born a porn star she said
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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