I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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