nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
