On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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