my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
