K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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