How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
