Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
