she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
