dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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