he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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