i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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