i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
