How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
