When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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