kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
