I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
