Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
