I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
