I never want to see another naked old woman again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
