It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
