if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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